Beyond the Bow: Letting Go of Perfect | Redefining Holiday Traditions for Women
The holidays are often described as the most wonderful time of the year—a season of joy, connection, and cherished traditions. But for many women, the holiday season also brings an unspoken weight: the responsibility to make everything perfect. From orchestrating elaborate meals to managing family dynamics, women often bear the invisible labor of creating holiday magic.
In my family, my mother was the heart and soul of our holidays. She planned every detail, from the menu to the decorations, ensuring that every moment felt special. She handled conflicts with grace, filled the room with laughter through storytelling, and created a magical world for the children. Hosting was her gift, her strength—but it came with an expectation: if she didn’t take charge, the holidays wouldn’t be the same.
As I reflect on her efforts, I realize how much of her work was rooted in societal expectations that women carry the emotional and logistical burdens of holiday traditions. This dynamic isn’t unique to my family—it’s woven into the fabric of history.
A History of Women as Memory Keepers
For generations, women have been seen as the “memory keepers” of their families. From preserving cherished recipes to decorating the house in nostalgic ways, they’ve been entrusted with curating the essence of the holidays. This role, often viewed as a natural extension of women’s nurturing instincts, comes with significant sacrifices.
Historically, this expectation was tied to the domestic sphere, where women were measured by how well they managed their homes. Even today, despite progress in gender equality, women still take on the majority of holiday-related tasks, such as cooking, shopping, decorating, and hosting.
Modern pressures—like juggling demanding careers, financial strain, and the societal ideals of the “perfect holiday” amplified by social media—only add to the burden. Studies continue to show that the mental load of holiday preparation disproportionately falls on women.
The Cost of Perfection
My mother had a career, but not in the modern sense. She didn’t face the same complexities many women navigate today, like balancing professional responsibilities with the unrelenting pressure to meet higher expectations.
Today’s women may earn more, but holiday costs—from gifts to travel to meals—are also higher than ever. With so many options and expectations, it’s easy to feel like nothing is enough, no matter how much effort or money is invested. This relentless pursuit of perfection often chips away at the joy of the season, leaving many women feeling drained rather than fulfilled.
This is where we need to pause and ask ourselves some hard questions:
- What traditions actually bring me joy?
- Am I decorating, cooking, and giving gifts because it fulfills me—or because I feel obligated?
- Whose expectations am I meeting, and at what cost to myself?
Redefining the Holidays on Your Own Terms
The beauty of tradition is that it evolves. While my mother’s incredible holiday efforts inspired me, they also taught me an important lesson: the holidays should not come at the expense of your own joy and well-being.
This year, let’s redefine what the holidays mean. Let’s prioritize traditions that make us feel connected, rather than overwhelmed. Whether that means hosting a simple potluck, scaling back on decorations, or spending the day in your pajamas with a cup of cocoa, your holidays should be a reflection of your joy—not a response to societal pressure.
For me, this has meant letting go of some traditions while keeping the ones that truly matter: cooking favorite recipes, putting up a simple tree, and making time for quiet reflection. These small choices have brought me closer to the meaning of the holidays than any picture-perfect moment ever could.
Final Thoughts: Finding Joy in Imperfection
The holidays can be a time of immense joy, but they can also feel heavy with expectations. As women, we carry the legacy of being memory keepers and nurturers, but that doesn’t mean we have to do it all—or do it alone.
This season, prioritize what truly matters: the connections, the moments, and the traditions that bring you peace and happiness. Because in the end, the most perfect holiday is the one that leaves you feeling fulfilled—not exhausted.
